House of the Dead - Movie Review

Duration: Too Long
Watched: Bootleg(It happens when you can't find a legit copy.)

The party of the century is happening on a remote island, for some reason. A bunch of early-twenties aged people missed the boat so they have to enlist the aid of a random sailor of some sort. Initially they refuse to help until the price is right. Avoiding the cops, they depart and eventually make contact with the island. However, not all is well here as people are missing and there seems to be no trace of them.

This movie is a dumpster fire of epic proportions. It is from "legendary" director Uwe Boll too. It is all over the place. Is this supposed to be an action movie? Is it supposed to be funny? Because it is; unintentionally. Is it supposed to be some kind of horror? A drama? I could not tell you honestly. The tone switched so often it felt very jarring and uneven.

The characters were as bland and one-dimensional as possible. Not a single one of them had any kind of character development throughout the entire movie. In fact, almost all the people introduced at the start die off. The one Asian girl is, of course, a kung-fu master too. Because all Asian people know martial arts.

Let's talk about the action. There was way too much of it. Spinning 360 cameras and matrix-shots for every single character with slow-motion special effects that would feel right at home in a piece of crap 3D movie are all over this movie. It is ridiculous.

The music in this movie is bad and out of place. I have no idea where they got it but I suggest they never use it again. Okay that might be an overstatement but it did not fit into the movie at all.

I have one giant nitpick here and it is with the editing. Who the hell thought it was okay to keep using game footage for transitions and during action scenes? This is VERY disorientating and breaks what little immersion the movie is capable of producing.

Conclusion
There is a ton of stuff wrong with this movie. I could talk about this for a while but I think you get the point. It is almost comical how bad it is. The only thing that they did right was foreshadowing one character's abilities in the beginning of the movie, only to have it used later. That is it. The rest is terrible. Funny bad? Bad bad? That's up to you. Just know that it's a mess.

Recommendation
If you like watching bad movies, I still really do not recommend this. It is hard to watch. Everything about it is terrible. I watched a butchered and modified version of it on YouTube and the movie's awfulness still managed to come out on top. Give this one a wide-berth.